Lately, early mornings have given me time to spend time appreciating myself more.
I’ll read, I’ll write, drink cacao like a ritual and move my body in ceremony to honor another sunrise.
This space I’ve carved out for myself also gives me to time to reflect and connect with the people I can still feel. Those who I’ve bonded and feel their presence even when they are far from me.
As though we’ve exchanged pieces of one another and I hold that piece in my body – caring for it until we meet again.
Like tugging on an invisible string that has been tied between us, so delicate that I know to never take that bond for granted – because it is inevitable it will break.
It will break, but can be built anew if one chooses. We do this over and over again throughout our lives. We build bonds, connections with others – whether platonic or romantic and sometimes we break them before we see it through and sometimes those bonds are formed subconsciously – and we realize too late we are already intrinsically tied to that person, but maybe we don’t mind at all. Not even a little bit.
Love is a funny fucking thing.
It makes us foolish, irrational, makes our bodies warm, our hearts beat quicker and our minds melt to a mushy frequency we can no longer comprehend.
Until the bond breaks.
Maybe it was intentional or maybe it was circumstances beyond our control, but it breaks and we are left once again with our irrational hearts inside rational bodies.
Rational bodies and overactive minds that search for a reason where it went wrong, how to get it back and how we can move forward loving deeper than before instead of building walls around ourselves.
Early mornings I find myself slowly removing each brick of a wall I’ve built around myself.
Staying tender with a heart that yearns for things I don’t truly understand, but wants them all the same. Wants to keep the invisible string intact, taut between us because selfishly it’s a bond I never want to break.
Yet, I know it will.
And like the stories I read in the early morning light, maybe we are meant to break and rebuild over and over – predetermined before we ever met.
Cosmically connected like the moon and stars – staying next to you every luminous night.
A silent agreement sealed with starlight.
We break so we can grow, so we shine brighter than before. You shine so brightly I can pick you out of every night sky.
A perfect arrangement of atoms. Thank you for letting me see you.
200 Milligrams at a Time 