2023 started as hopeful. Like every turn of a new calendar year, it ushered in a spark of hope that our normal will be slightly different than the previous 365 days. Muddling through January into March has shown me that the hopes I have for change feel stagnant, empty. Nothing feels good enough to evenContinue reading “Dissociation Avenue”
Category Archives: blogging
San Junipero
We reflect. We write down new goals. We stock up on champagne and funny number glasses. We pick sparkly outfits. We order takeout and try to stay awake to watch a giant ball drop at the stroke of midnight. The end of the year always brings with it some wistful rumination. For me, this yearContinue reading “San Junipero”
Symptomatic
Love. It’s been quite some time since I experienced romantic love. The type of love that cocooned me into a feeling of peace that I never wanted to end. To feel understood by someone else. To give anything to see the other person smile. You get it – I won’t wax poetic about love. ShakespeareContinue reading “Symptomatic”
Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!
A wake-up call. Time has slipped by me and it’s as though I have woken from a months-long dissociative episode to find life is exactly where I left it. In the corner like a pile discarded clothes I have been too lazy to put into the hamper. These months away from any writing at allContinue reading “Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!”
Great Expectations
Reemerging to my very small corner of the internet feels weird. It’s like I have been hiding in a cave for months, to come out of it to find the world has moved on without me; as it always does. Everything is in constant motion, even if time seemed to stand still for me. IContinue reading “Great Expectations”
Bruises
Unseen skinreveals all.Soft shapes in shadesof blue and violet. I count the bruiseslike constellations,a reminder of myown mistakesand blunders. Some bruises cannotbe seen at all.Left by thosewho vowedto hold me gently,love softly. Nothing was gentle.Left with hard edges,sharp objectsI knew notto hold. I count the bruiseslike constellations.Everythingfalls.Eventually.
When You’re No One’s Favorite Person (Trois)
The rain thundersagainst your windowlike a warning. A warning tonot fall too deepinto this notionyou’ll be alone.forever. Meals for onebecome a momentfor two.The coffee is madeand brought to youin bed. An embrace beginsto feel likehome.Yet, you stillremember. Remember howyou spent yearsalone, loving yourself.Years alone, makingyour own heart happy. You will continue todo that work,with someonealongsideContinue reading “When You’re No One’s Favorite Person (Trois)”
Into the Woods
I stumble.Adrenaline high, spirits low. The fuckening brought mehere.Wrong turns,deep wounds of change. If only I had listened.The sounds I hear nowpropel me forward.There is no going back. Deep roots in the groundwould rather I stay still.Leaves fall to remind methat everything dies.Even dreams. The woods of fatehand me a choice.A kindness.I follow the pathandContinue reading “Into the Woods”
When You’re No One’s Favorite Person (Deux)
Watching the snow fall feels different. Your bones are warmedby no one but youand the fire you built. No one is cheering you on.Or offering you a cup of coffeethe way you like. You’re a two sugars plus creamkind of girl who has perfectedthe art of a single brew. There are no guests.You’re touch-starved.Living offContinue reading “When You’re No One’s Favorite Person (Deux)”
Tick, Tick, Boom
The world is on fire,I search for a new iPhone. Floodwaters at my neighbor’s door,I doomscroll Twitter for hours. December tornadoes on the news,I schedule brunch with friends (no masks). Another Breaking News banner on my TV,I turn off the lights and crawl under the covers. More mandates, mass confusion & supply shortages,I hoard suppliesContinue reading “Tick, Tick, Boom”
200 Milligrams at a Time 