The Great Conditioning

Who was I before the world got its hands on me? On my body, my mind, my emotions, my self-worth? I feel like I’ve been run through the washing machine 1,347 times and come out a version of myself I don’t recognize 20% of the time. Granted, I give myself immense credit for the versionContinue reading “The Great Conditioning”

Slow Your Own Sacrifice

There’s a story of mine that has gone untold for almost 20 years. A repressed moment that broke through my tender memory while making breakfast. A padded room. I was 14 and the most angry I’ve ever been in my life. I spent time in a padded room when I was 14. No, there aren’tContinue reading “Slow Your Own Sacrifice”

Isolation Island

Since the pandemic hit, I feel like I’ve created my own island for myself. Where I feel safe, can open the doors to the ghosts that demand attention and heal the parts of myself I long ago buried. You see, we are all haunted by something. Some days we don’t think of it at all.Continue reading “Isolation Island”

The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most

A couple of months ago, I wrote about my cat, Mr. Buckley. Tonight, I write to tell you and to grieve the fact he is no longer here. As soon as I left the vet clinic, empty carrier in hand, the skies opened up and poured rain the whole way home. It felt a bitContinue reading “The Places You Have Come To Fear the Most”

Afraid of the Dark

My therapist suggested I start this blog. So, I did. Against every fiber of my being and the deep ache in my bones that was content in bottling up all my emotions until my emotional well overflowed. I dragged myself out of my comfort zone and decided to start writing again – even if itContinue reading “Afraid of the Dark”

Reality Bites

“Hello, this is Lauren. She’s not here right now, but if you leave your name and your number, she might get back to you.” I had a realization at around 2:45 a.m. Saturday: I’ve been dissociating for at least 4 business days. The situation is delicate and I’ve spent the time since trying to findContinue reading “Reality Bites”

Hide & Seek

The Full Moon wanted my attention at 3:34 this morning. So, I obeyed and dragged my bleary-eyed self out of bed to the balcony and gave the moon the audience it craved. I watched as the Moon hid behind the clouds for moments and then would shine brightly as if to say thank you forContinue reading “Hide & Seek”

My So-Called Life

There are exactly 39 stairs to my apartment. I take them every day, up and down. Up and down. And what awaits me beyond those 39 steps? A home that some days feels like a sanctuary and others like a prison. A cat will always greet me hello and will demand to be fed –Continue reading “My So-Called Life”

Good 4 U

My therapist is my favorite person right now. But today I left my therapy session relatively angry. Old wounds have come back to the surface and I’m forced to confront them and not waste my energy staying angry. So, I went for a long drive, windows down and blasting Nirvana – which is my goContinue reading “Good 4 U”

A Fountain of Inconvenient Feelings

How do we truly connect in a world full of short-term moments? Where do we begin to truly recognize who people are and stop making judgments based on physiognomy? I don’t have the answers to either this week. The weekend felt heavy and I find myself going deeper down the introspection rabbit hole than IContinue reading “A Fountain of Inconvenient Feelings”