2023 started as hopeful. Like every turn of a new calendar year, it ushered in a spark of hope that our normal will be slightly different than the previous 365 days. Muddling through January into March has shown me that the hopes I have for change feel stagnant, empty. Nothing feels good enough to evenContinue reading “Dissociation Avenue”
Category Archives: Depression
Symptomatic
Love. It’s been quite some time since I experienced romantic love. The type of love that cocooned me into a feeling of peace that I never wanted to end. To feel understood by someone else. To give anything to see the other person smile. You get it – I won’t wax poetic about love. ShakespeareContinue reading “Symptomatic”
Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!
A wake-up call. Time has slipped by me and it’s as though I have woken from a months-long dissociative episode to find life is exactly where I left it. In the corner like a pile discarded clothes I have been too lazy to put into the hamper. These months away from any writing at allContinue reading “Let’s Do the Time Warp Again!”
Great Expectations
Reemerging to my very small corner of the internet feels weird. It’s like I have been hiding in a cave for months, to come out of it to find the world has moved on without me; as it always does. Everything is in constant motion, even if time seemed to stand still for me. IContinue reading “Great Expectations”
Bruises
Unseen skinreveals all.Soft shapes in shadesof blue and violet. I count the bruiseslike constellations,a reminder of myown mistakesand blunders. Some bruises cannotbe seen at all.Left by thosewho vowedto hold me gently,love softly. Nothing was gentle.Left with hard edges,sharp objectsI knew notto hold. I count the bruiseslike constellations.Everythingfalls.Eventually.
Into the Woods
I stumble.Adrenaline high, spirits low. The fuckening brought mehere.Wrong turns,deep wounds of change. If only I had listened.The sounds I hear nowpropel me forward.There is no going back. Deep roots in the groundwould rather I stay still.Leaves fall to remind methat everything dies.Even dreams. The woods of fatehand me a choice.A kindness.I follow the pathandContinue reading “Into the Woods”
Tick, Tick, Boom
The world is on fire,I search for a new iPhone. Floodwaters at my neighbor’s door,I doomscroll Twitter for hours. December tornadoes on the news,I schedule brunch with friends (no masks). Another Breaking News banner on my TV,I turn off the lights and crawl under the covers. More mandates, mass confusion & supply shortages,I hoard suppliesContinue reading “Tick, Tick, Boom”
The Lost King of Sweet Adventures
One of my favorite games to play as a child was Candy Land. I always had to be the plastic, cartoonish blue gingerbread man. Each card I pulled sent me on an adventure and I marveled over getting to travel to the Lollipop Woods or through the Candy Cane Forest. It was a whimsical fantasyContinue reading “The Lost King of Sweet Adventures”
The Unwitnessed
There are moments at 6:33 a.m. where I’m drinking my matcha latte and watching the sun come up that I wish someone was sitting across from me. Enjoying the moment with me. I’ve lived alone for so long. I am comfortable and enjoy my own company. I don’t feel lonely 95% of the time, butContinue reading “The Unwitnessed”
A Constriction of the Soul
Deep pockets of gloom,anger sits like a sieve on the soil (soul).You are alone in this uncertain place. To acknowledge a life that is broken,seams frayed like the edgesof your forgotten joy,discarded on a shelf 20 years ago.It is time to dig yourself out of this nightmaredisguised as a dream.A dream down a rabbit holeContinue reading “A Constriction of the Soul”
200 Milligrams at a Time 