We reflect. We write down new goals. We stock up on champagne and funny number glasses. We pick sparkly outfits. We order takeout and try to stay awake to watch a giant ball drop at the stroke of midnight.
The end of the year always brings with it some wistful rumination.
For me, this year brings a deep ache because it has been a year that felt insurmountable. It was a year where I unraveled – not only mentally but I took apart the patterns and structures in my life as though they were a giant ball of twisted yarn.
Things felt inescapable. This year I felt like if I didn’t confront my ghosts, demons, I would have been living disingenuously.
The unraveling is where I found joy in my own solitude. I no longer felt the need to people please in order to keep a friendship or relationship around. If they wanted to leave, I gently opened the door and wished them well.
My unraveling brought me closer to my authentic self. Shedding layers like I were going skinny dipping in the ocean. Emerging from the water as someone I had to reintroduce myself to every time I looked into the mirror.
This new version taught me to take pleasure in the ordinary instant. I pledged gratitude to the coconut chai latte from my local coffee shop. I praised my body for showing me lessons, but still allowing me to move gracefully and with ease. I wept over tiny moments of stillness – where the sound of my breath was all I could hear.
In 2023, I want to continue to unravel the structures and patterns that no longer serve my best interests. I want to continue breathing deeply and loving gently. I want to read more, consume less news. I want to surround myself in more love, in adventurous experiences. I want to immerse myself in the feeling that things are unfolding just as they should. I want to be present and keep buying myself flowers every Sunday.
Through presence, I find these quiet moments or glimpses of time where it feels as though time isn’t as black and white as I believe. Where time feels sped up and I experience this sense of “this will happen, but patience is required.”
In 2023, I promise to remain open, to be patient. I want to strive to be content with what I have and all that is to come. I will view any unraveling as a redirection to what, where and who I am supposed to be. Most of all, I will continue to be kind and gentle with myself and others. I raise my glass of mineral water to more gentle moments and less bullshit this new year.
200 Milligrams at a Time 