All my life, I have been the second choice.
The one men choose before their final destination to their forever person.
The friend who is called upon when someone’s first choice falls through.
I am the reliable one. The wise one. The one who sees through the bullshit and the facade.
I am not an easy person to love.
Or even get to know.
I have experienced so many false connections, re-directions and felt crushed when rejection was at my door for 1,567th time.
Option B. Once again.
I wondered for years, “How does one become a first choice?” Is there something I am missing?”
It only took a year of not dating, no new connections and self-reflection to recognize that it wasn’t all me.
Sometimes you can be doing everything right, just with the wrong person.
I gave up on being chosen by others.
I chose myself.
I will always choose me.
The relationship with self is my most important connection.
I choose not to settle into mediocrity or be anyone’s second choice.
It is so easy to settle into relationships and connections out of fear of being alone.
So goddamn easy.
I don’t want to take the easy route.
I want to surround myself with friends and lovers who inspire me, challenge me and feel like a warm hug.
I spent years folding myself into a version that people pleased to the point that she lost her own identity.
I have unraveled and begun anew.
All I know now is that I am deserving of love in all its forms.
I will never be someone’s second choice again.