Option B

All my life, I have been the second choice.

The option.

The one men choose before their final destination to their forever person.

The friend who is called upon when someone’s first choice falls through.

I am the reliable one. The wise one. The one who sees through the bullshit and the facade.

I am not an easy person to love.

Or even get to know.

I have experienced so many false connections, re-directions and felt crushed when rejection was at my door for 1,567th time.

Option B. Once again.

I wondered for years, “How does one become a first choice?” Is there something I am missing?”

It only took a year of not dating, no new connections and self-reflection to recognize that it wasn’t all me.

Sometimes you can be doing everything right, just with the wrong person.

I gave up on being chosen by others.

I chose myself.

I will always choose me.

The relationship with self is my most important connection.

I choose not to settle into mediocrity or be anyone’s second choice.

It is so easy to settle into relationships and connections out of fear of being alone.

So goddamn easy.

I don’t want to take the easy route.

I want to surround myself with friends and lovers who inspire me, challenge me and feel like a warm hug.

I spent years folding myself into a version that people pleased to the point that she lost her own identity.

I have unraveled and begun anew.

All I know now is that I am deserving of love in all its forms.

I will never be someone’s second choice again.