Hide & Seek

The Full Moon wanted my attention at 3:34 this morning.

So, I obeyed and dragged my bleary-eyed self out of bed to the balcony and gave the moon the audience it craved.

I watched as the Moon hid behind the clouds for moments and then would shine brightly as if to say thank you for listening and seeing me.

The night was mostly silent except for the occasional hum of a car’s engine passing by.

This quiet moment reminded me that as much as I live openly and show people who I am, parts of me still hide. It’s human nature to do so. What the Moon showed me last night is the more I can remain open, I am still nourishing the parts of me that are hidden.

In the same way we walk through life seeing bright green stems and their beauty above ground, we know those stems are attached, rooted to darkness below.

If I recall correctly, Megan Devine said, “Some things cannot be fixed; they can only be carried.”

I think we become so preoccupied with what needs fixing in ourselves that we forget to nourish the parts of us that are so open and ready to show the world our brilliance – just like the Moon. The Moon shows up in darkness to shine brightly. It is resilient, just like we are as humans.

Our shadows will always exist within us. We can’t banish them all – those dark parts of ourselves that we hide can and will be nourished with light.

We are so quick to criticize ourselves for things we cannot change, the parts we don’t like, but need to learn to accept.

Like how I need to accept that a genuine relationship with my father will never exist. Or that my depression is a disease I will carry with me for the rest of my existence – as though it’s a phantom limb and every time I cut it off, it grows more rooted within me than before.

Acceptance of ourselves is a brutal process. We hide the dark parts and seek the light as though the light is all that should be visible. What happens if we allow the two to co-exist and amplify each other?

The Full Moon shows me that darkness is only amplified with light. I look to the Moon for its wisdom and realize I can stay rooted in the shadows, but the light will always find its way out.

Life is basically a giant game of hide and seek – and it’s up to us on what role we want to play.

These are my 5 a.m. ramblings that could have stayed in the drafts. Enjoy.

Until Then.

*Featured photo taken by me in 2018*