How do we truly connect in a world full of short-term moments?
Where do we begin to truly recognize who people are and stop making judgments based on physiognomy?
I don’t have the answers to either this week. The weekend felt heavy and I find myself going deeper down the introspection rabbit hole than I have in a while.
This isn’t fun for me.
It shatters me into a million puzzle pieces that I have to painstakingly try to fit together again or make space for the new.
Inhale the chaos and exhale the bullshit. I mean that in the best way.
I think death brings those parts out of us. As Joan Didion said, “Life changes in an instant. The ordinary instant.”
So, how do I choose to sift through the chaos and process my own grief while still trying to maintain a life that feels like it’s accelerating at warp speed?
I isolate. And I laugh. A lot.
This morning I happened to wake up at 3 a.m. I turned on the bathroom light, looked at myself in the mirror and said out loud, “I am not okay!”
I laughed for a long time after that moment.
I’m sitting on my balcony writing this as the sun goes down and shows me her last moments of cotton candy – colored brilliance. Sunsets I can count on to bring me back to what I do know:
In a world full of 8 billion people, I know myself the best and I am the most important person I can connect with.
Forget about trying to connect with the Twitterverse full of people ego-surfing or the old friends on Facebook who haven’t changed since high school and I think that’s beautiful. I truly do.
The human experience is messy. I think we tend to forget it’s supposed to be. Nothing is really linear or set in stone and I’ll repeat it again and again – we control almost nothing.
My fountain of inconvenient feelings is overflowing and I am going to choose to dive right in and honor the chaos I am experiencing.
Here’s to chaos. To no longer watering dead plants and putting the pieces back together where they fit – no matter how fragile.
Until Then.
*Featured photo taken by me in 2018*
200 Milligrams at a Time 
It is really empowering to accept the fact that we control nothing. The only thing we actually do control are our own actions. Thanks for this great post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s hard to give up on the notion of control. Way easier said than done. Thanks for reading!
LikeLike